question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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