i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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