Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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