I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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