I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize