That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize