I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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