i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
you never un-have a 4some
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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