Me. At least after what I've been through.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
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In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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