man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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