Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
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I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
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Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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