I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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