she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
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VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
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So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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