In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
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