my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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