Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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