But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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