Your favorite bartender is back from prision
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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