I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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