Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
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The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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