apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
do herpes really smell.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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