I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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