Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize