I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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