my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
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Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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