If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize