Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
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It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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