I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
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There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
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all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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