So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize