the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize