In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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