we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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