Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
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I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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