God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
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