Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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