If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
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As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
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Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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