Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
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my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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