I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
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She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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