Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
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He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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