She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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