Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
this boner is exhausting
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize