This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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