maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
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Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
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This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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