I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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