What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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