my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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