Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
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that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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