Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize