Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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