No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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